When I witness someone saying something profound, profoundly daft or just funny, then it is immortalised on this page. I am no exception to the rule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
AP: You ask questions that make people think.
JH: I never stop asking the great questions but I also never stop asking the dumb questions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Aug 2021<\/strong> 09 Aug 2017<\/strong> 29 May 2017<\/strong> 03 Nov 2016<\/strong> 23 Sep 2016<\/strong> 01 Sep 2016<\/strong> 09 Aug 2016<\/strong> 16 Jan, 2016<\/strong> 11 Jan, 2016<\/strong> 3 Oct, 2015 7 May, 2015 3 May, 2015<\/strong> 18 Mar, 2015 (23:55)<\/strong> 19 Feb, 2015<\/strong> 2014<\/strong> 2010<\/strong> 2009<\/strong> 24 Dec, 2009<\/strong> 01 Feb, 2008<\/strong> 2008<\/strong> 2008<\/strong> 2007<\/strong> Jan 2007<\/strong> 2006<\/strong> 29 Sep, 2005<\/strong> 2005<\/strong> 8th October, 2004<\/strong> When I witness someone saying something profound, profoundly daft or just funny, then it is immortalised on this page. I am no exception to the rule. AP: You ask questions that make people think.JH: I never stop asking the great questions but I also never stop asking the dumb questions. Aug 2021Mum: “I’m going upstairs. I’m going to change my jeans and put a salad on.” 09 Aug 2017PW: There’s sh*t loads of books on it to be honest. They’re all in sanscript as well, which makes it a little tricky. 29 May 2017Me: Honestly, I think we should join a rambling group – it would be a good laugh.TC: As long as we don’t bump into Janet Street Porter – she’s so rude. 03 Nov 2016BK: Didn’t everyone pee in the swimming pool as a kid?Me: I haven’t done since I got a telling off.BK: How did they know you were peeing in the poolMe: Well, I was stood on the side. 23 Sep 2016Me: But honey & lemon doesn’t cure you – there’s no anti-virals etc.LH: Well, if you’ve got ginger, add some – it helps give that ‘medicinal effect’ 01 Sep 2016Me: Michael, if it carries on,[…]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-367","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"featured_image_src":null,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P89zH1-5V","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/367","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=367"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/367\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2772,"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/367\/revisions\/2772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jameshatton.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=367"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Mum: “I’m going upstairs. I’m going to change my jeans and put a salad on.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n
PW: There’s sh*t loads of books on it to be honest. They’re all in sanscript as well, which makes it a little tricky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Honestly, I think we should join a rambling group – it would be a good laugh.
TC: As long as we don’t bump into Janet Street Porter – she’s so rude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
BK: Didn’t everyone pee in the swimming pool as a kid?
Me: I haven’t done since I got a telling off.
BK: How did they know you were peeing in the pool
Me: Well, I was stood on the side.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: But honey & lemon doesn’t cure you – there’s no anti-virals etc.
LH: Well, if you’ve got ginger, add some – it helps give that ‘medicinal effect’<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: Michael, if it carries on, I’m going to have you committed.
Michael: Actually, talking to yourself is the first sign of sanity.
BK: Really, don’t you mean insanity?
Michael: No. Listening to it, is insanity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
EP (referring to his idea of charging for consumables): “And they wonder why they call me the Messiah”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: I was just reading it from the Internet
JP: Well, the Internet’s wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me:Then it may be true from the old 80s movies… where we all live in some Japanese 2m x 3m rooms and sit around in a VR headsets opposite a toilet.
PW: And we’ll each have a sex robot.
Me: Oh no; that’s too far.
PW: If that’s not happening, I’m not going to the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/strong>JP: I wasn’t lieing, I was just saying the words incorrectly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/strong>Me: I thought about our conversation yesterday when I said you could probably trace your family history back to a lamp-post and realised that was entirely inappropriate so I apologise.
SW: Okay, accepted.
Me: It would probably be a bike shed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: I need an alarm clock because mine ‘s annoying. I set it to radio and the alarm goes off.
JP: Do you want an alarm clock where the alarm doesn’t go off?
Me: That’s an idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
JP: I’ve always said that you get a lot of house for your bungalow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
PW: To be rich in this world: you have to have your own business or be a criminal; because the people in the middle are getting double-f’d both ends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
LH: Why didn’t you ask me about the opera?
Me: I didn’t think you liked opera.
LH: Of course I do!
Me: Name an opera then…
LH: The Phantom of the Opera<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: They said I reminded them of Jeff Goldblum
JP: Must have been after he went through the teleporter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
PW: “I’m struggling to find new things to look at. I think I’ve read the Internet now.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Watching Emmerdale on TV with parents\u2026<\/em>
Mum: She posed nude.
Me: Ughh, no.
Mum: What just because she’s a big lady? They draw all sorts of shapes and sizes in art classes because people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.
Dad: Just use more charcoal, that’s all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
RP: “There’s only so many humanitarian crises one can handle in a year.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: “We could look at your communication skills.”
GP: “I’ve got communication skills coming out of my arse!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
GP: “I went to Checkpoint Charlie. It was meant to be good.”
JH: “What do you mean ‘meant’ to be?”
GP: “Well by this time I was really ill and couldn’t open my eyes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
RP: “But I’m ill and need to get better.”
Me: “I’ll let you have some Ben & Jerry’s and Beechams. Not that you need my permission but it’ll help catalyse the process”
RP: “If you want to catheterise the process then that’s fine – well, you know, it’s just easier”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me: “I am capping the number of questions you’re allowed to ask. You have three questions for the remainder of the day.”
R: “Is that all I am allowed to have?”
Me: “Yes, two remaining.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dad: “So which monitor do you want: The 23 inch or 24?”
J: “Well the 24 inch is \u00a330 more for an extra inch.”
Dad: “Does 1 extra inch make any difference?”
*PC World girl sniggers*<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
RP: I play the game, I play to win. But the rules have changed and no-one told me what they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dad: “That’s not shouting, this is shouting.”
Mum: “No, that’s over-shouting.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Computer Science Lecturer writing on the board<\/em>
Steve Vickers: You won’t be able to read this and if you can, you won’t be able to understand.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"